NOTE: This will not be everyone’s experience, but it has been mine repeatedly since going public about my own experience in 2008. This is my actual, lived experience and I have the fucking receipts. Don’t concern troll me. I promise to hurt your feelings.
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Ally Failures: Being an ally is actual work. I salute anyone who is truly trying. Within survivor circles, sadly there are some who use the concept of being an ally as a silencing weapon. Here are three frequent offenders I encounter often. Obviously, your experiences may vary:
1 – Women who rush in assuming it was a man who raped me in order to redirect a conversation about male survivors toward “real” victims (i.e., women). No, I wasn’t raped by a man. Stop derailing. That’s gross.
2 – Men who barge in, under the guise of being male feminists, to trivialize, minimize, and otherwise direct attention elsewhere whenever a male survivor gets five minutes to speak anywhere. Yes, this is an actual thing.
3 – Alleged advocates who claim that male survivors don’t get victim blamed or shamed, but then look the other way as their social media friends do exactly that foul shit right in front of their faces. I see you. We see you. Scroll down my timeline if you want to see some screenshots I’ve shared in the past.
