Some of the more annoying things about being a male survivor of a female rapist in the public eye are:
- Fixation on the genital aspects of the rape.
- Aggressive demands for “explanations”.
- Tone-policing from “allies” on how I respond to critics, trolls, rape apologists and ideological bigots.
- Smug condescension from online activists attempting to “teach” me about victim-blaming I experienced for a rape that happened before they were even born.
You aren’t an ally if you can’t stop talking long enough to actually listen. Talk less. Talk way less.
I’m sorry that happened to you. That happened to my best friend in the Navy. I am a female army vet, 24 then (26 now) raped by a navy sailor who confessed and no one cared. Since he was 20 then, everyone was like “you can’t report a 20 yr old. To ruin a 20 year old’s life would be criminal” -my grandma
I’m out of the army now but in the few times I did receive support from anyone at all, they were often male survivors who said they know what that feels like and it’s shitty. They are right and I am grateful they trusted me enough to tell me I wasn’t alone all the time. I believed each one of them, males and females alike and it’s silly for anyone to get mixed up in the genital aspects of rape… because the worst part is how it feels to be violated, and even worse is how people react…especially in the military. To everyone reading this: believe survivors Because we don’t want this life. -elizabeth Kay Ellis insta: @survivor_friend
I’m here. Reach out. I believe you.