People often make demands of me regarding what I did to “cause” my own rape. They insist upon asking why I didn’t fight back or react in the way they are so sure they would in that situation. Aside from being none of their business, it is a transparent attempt at victim-shaming. Instead of coddling such behavior, I’m going to talk about what she said to me.
- She put me at ease by asking me to give her a ride home and bought me a few drinks to thank me. I was underage and couldn‘t buy alcohol.
- She talked about how long it had been since she had been able to enjoy a night out since becoming pregnant.
- When I woke up to her on top of me – raping me – she said, “Don’t be forceful!” She said it several times. It was a command. It was a threat.
- After she was done, she yelled at me because her vagina hurt from raping me. Twice.
People with a vested interest in victim-shaming expect survivors to perform free emotional labor to “convince” them they were raped. Don’t oblige them.
