There is a lot of discussion around the #metoo movement about survivors needing to name their abusers. I told my story publicly over a decade ago. I chose not to reveal certain details about my rapist that could be used to identify her. I wanted the discussion to be about her actions, not her name, her current job, her family life, etc.
Eleven years later and I still have no desire to name her publicly. I’ve long since forgotten her name, but I likely have it written down in an old address book. I don’t want to have a conversation about her identity. WHO she is has far less importance than WHAT she did and how society enables that behavior through gender policing and massive blindspots in survivor advocacy.
I’m not interested in that conversation. I’m not going to have that conversation. People still want to argue about whether men can be raped or whether women can be rapists. Further details on that topic are a giant waste of time.
Also, I really don’t care who she was then or is now as a person. I don’t need to humanize her further by naming her. I don’t.