Sorry Gary and Dawn Noling, You Don’t Get A Veto Vote Over My Traumas

So, while tidying up my old Facebook reader’s page before deleting it (merged old entries and comments to my website) I found some lovely old hate mail from two of the nastiest assholes I’ve encountered within the Military Sexual Trauma sphere – Gary Noling and his entitled, civilian wife Dawn.

Last December, Gary had been on a mutual friend’s page, raging against male survivors who had female perpetrators. The Nolings have decided that they have some magical right to decide who is a “real” victim and what constitutes “real” sexual assault. As such, they have in the past engaged in silencing and harassment toward military survivors who don’t fit within the boxes they have created.

Isn’t that pretty? Yes boys and girls, some sexual assault prevention advocates can also be rape apologists and bullies. Anyway, after calling Gary out, his ridiculous wife decided she was gonna come after me. Well, sorry boo-boo, but you aren’t a veteran, so you don’t get a fucking vote on what constitutes military sexual trauma, nor do you have a right to silence those of us who served. EVER. Take a hike civvie.

Anyway, a screenshot of their final hate mail to me is posted below. It is cute how both of them continue to assert a magic right to decide what is and is not sexual assault within MST circles. Sorry assholes, but you actually don’t.



Nah bubba, you were running around telling actual military sexual assault survivors they were not allowed to talk about their own traumas, based on your own definitions. To make it clear to readers here, since you are a coward and will likely lie about it. You, Gary Noling, claimed that men raped by women have no right to talk about it and actively shamed a survivor. I called you out for it while you were engaged in harassing and silencing a fellow military survivor. You then invoked the memory of your daughter in an attempt to silence me. I stated plainly that what happened to your daughter was horrible, but that tragedy has no bearing on another’s victim’s right to break their silence.

Then you sent me this weak-ass message in response after I was finally forced to block you and your ridiculous wife. Sorry Noling, but you don’t actually get a veto vote regarding other people’s trauma. What your family suffered as a result of your daughter’s experience is tragic. That still doesn’t entitle you to silence everyone else and act like you are the leader of high school clique of bullies within MST advocacy circles. Also, don’t threaten me. Your fits of rage are well-known within MST circles. Mind your tongue unless you want a visit from men with badges.

Your silencing behavior is repugnant rape apologia and not worthy of a so-called advocate. As a family member of an MST victim, you have every right to advocate on her behalf. However, you have absolutely NO RIGHT to decide which survivors are allowed to talk about their traumas, nor do you get a magical veto vote over which traumas are legitimate. That is absolutely behaving like a rape apologist and it is unforgivable.


First off, civvie, you don’t get a vote on what happened to anyone who served. EVER. Sit your entitled, lazy ass back down on the couch where it was while I wore a uniform. Men who have been raped and choose to talk about it do not equal an “erroneous agenda.” Your attempts at silencing and shaming living, breathing rape survivors are duly noted and now a matter of public record. Further, “cronies”? What are you doing now, channeling FOX News soundbites?

Since you wouldn’t fuck off and leave me alone the first time I asked, your dirty laundry is now public record.

Good job.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.