Survivor Advocacy Isn’t A Competition (or You Aren’t Actually Helping)

This will be a bit of a rant. I know – shock of shocks. You can pick your jaw up off the ground now.

I’ve been an activist and advocate on sexual violence issues for a while, having served as a moderator for one of the largest online survivor communities around. I’ve been a speaker through the RAINN Speaker’s Bureau and for the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance since 2008. I’ve been a secondary survivor and ally to male and female survivors alike. I’ve been interviewed repeatedly on male survivor issues and female predators. I’ve written some widely quoted and shared articles on male survivor issues and in support of female survivors who were publicly victim-blamed. I’ve allowed my own experience to be adapted for educational use in a dramatic production as well as volunteering my time with a playwright on her important one-woman show on intimate partner violence. I serve on the board of directors for a national organization for survivors of sexual assault in the U.S. military. I am also currently a rape crisis worker for a national hotline.

Through my advocacy work, I read a great deal about sexual violence issues, especially with regard to male survivors, military survivors and female predation. The overwhelming majority of media coverage tends to focus on the female survivor, male predator model as a rule. That is not a condemnation or complaint, but simply an observation.

Sadly, I have noticed a disturbing trend when there is competent and mature coverage of male survivor issues. Too often, some angry female survivors, advocates, veterans or others with separate agendas will react negatively to male survivors getting a bare minimum of coverage. I have felt some great support from many female survivors and veterans who’ve been there and treated me as an equal in healing. If you’ve had my back, then know I appreciate it and I’m NOT talking about you.

However, it is absolutely ridiculous, utterly lacking in empathy, and inexcusable for fellow survivors, advocates, activists and veterans to begrudge male survivors the few advances we’ve fought and bled for over decades. I do not plan to let up on my work and advocacy, but I cannot sit idly by anymore while people with other agendas push their bullshit on those of us working hard to make positive change.

I’m done with anyone who sees this work as a gender-based competition. I don’t throw a tantrum when I see yet another story on MST that completely neglects to include male survivors or trivailizes our issues. I expect it, take a deep breath and remember to keep educating, writing and opening eyes. I don’t use it as an excuse to play Who Is The Bigger Victim.

We all deserve to heal. We all deserve to be treated with dignity. We all deserve to live our lives in peace. We do not deserve to have our hard work co-opted, mocked or trivialized by callous assholes, charlatans or low information bullies with entitlement issues who just happen to also be survivors or fellow veterans.