I’m furious right now. I’m a bit too angry to write as coherently as I’d prefer. You know I’ve been through hell since publicly disclosing my rape. You know I have little tolerance for “advocates” who tell us that male survivors don’t matter, trivialize our struggles and mock us for speaking out. Everytime some conservative asshat says something idiotic or hateful about female survivors, “advocates” try to play the “men don’t get victim-blamed” trump card.
Now, another man who went public is being treated like garbage while “allies” are still saying we don’t get victim-blamed.
I was written about at PajamasMedia and then subjected to HUNDREDS of hateful, mocking comments by knuckle-draggers assholes and women who think they are qualifed to say erections = consent. Then several bloggers joined in. I was able to elict a few apologies, but most laughed it off as no big deal.
THIS IS WHY MALE SURVIVORS STAY SILENT:
Then I went on the HuffPostLive. The hosts treated me with dignity and respect. The viewers were fucking savages.
THIS IS WHY MALE SURVIVORS STAY SILENT:
Then, an advice blogger told me I was a liar, mocked me and laughed openly about my rape. She’s a real specimen of humanity. I don’t care how many times she apologizes. It will never be enough. What she said was inexcusable.
THIS IS WHY MALE SURVIVORS STAY SILENT:
Then, the fucking demons at The Lesbian Mafia mocked me, lied about my experience, promoted a ton of rape myths and overall left me triggered and in panic attacks for over a month. They still have a gigantic following and I’ve yet to see the “men don’t get victim-blamed” advocates take them to task.
THIS IS WHY MALE SURVIVORS STAY SILENT:
Now, a young man (about my age when I was raped) reported his rape to the police. Twitter, Reddit and Facebook users responded with mockery, disbelief and outright jokes. People are still saying male rape survivors don’t get victim-blamed.
THIS IS WHY MALE SURVIVORS STAY SILENT:
This is how Rosie DiManno decided to respond – with mockery, jokes and outright humiliation of the male rape survivor.
“They could be sex molls or sex maulers.”
Or Rosie could have called them rapists instead of trying to be cutesy.
“Of course, one man’s sexual assault is another man’s sexual fantasy come true.”
Yeah, cuz appealing to the knuckle-draggers sells papers, right Rosie?
“Sexual assault, you say? Lucky guy others say, nudge-nudge, a fivesome and didn’t even have to pay for it.”
Yeah, I’m sure this man feels “lucky”. I ‘m so happy you are around to put it all into perspective for male rape survivors. The Star should be very proud. Pardon me while I vomit yesterday’s, tomorrow’s and next week’s lunches.
THIS IS WHY MALE SURVIVORS STAY SILENT:
The next time you screw up your mouth to arrogantly proclaim that male survivors don’t get victim-blamed, just think for a second. It isn’t true. It doesn’t look identical and it isn’t about clothing (as if that was the full sphere of victim-blaming for ANY survivor), but it exists just the same. If you are promoting this myth, you are 100% part of the problem.
It is time for a lot of people to look in the mirror.
James Landrith is a healing rape survivor, public speaker, internationally syndicated blogger, civil liberties activist and the notorious editor and publisher of The Multiracial Activist (ISSN: 1552-3446) and The Abolitionist Examiner (ISSN: 1552-2881). Landrith can be reached by email at: james@jameslandrith.com or at his personal website/blog.
I read Rosie DiManno’s article. It’s horrible. So horrible. She claims to be writing with a straight face but is clearly making fun of the sexual abuse victim. Maybe we would have stats that weren’t so weighted on one side of the scale if males felt comfortable reporting sexual abuse. To say that almost all rape vics are female and that almost all rapists are male is just a reflection of what has been reported or admitted and I’m sure that males are much more uncomfortable doing that than females. Voices are silent, facts are missing. I know guys who don’t even realize they were abused because the concept isn’t allowed in our society. They are suffering for it and don’t even connect the cause to the effect. DiManno even minimizes sexual abuse. She writes that “unwanted touch” is blown out of proportion. It doesn’t matter if someone was raped, groped, leered at~it’s all sexual abuse and how it affects each person is unique. I am 26 years old and unwanted touching would not just be merely “annoying” as she says it would be to a grown woman, it would be infuriating and disturbing. Since I have already been victimized many times in many ways by many people means that would also be a very triggering thing. She asserts that even if a young man is sexually abused, if it is “just” unwanted touching, he should just shut up about it and get over it. You’re right~no number of apologies would absolve what she wrote. She is horrible.
Wow. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Some people just can’t get it through their heads! Thank you for sharing this with us. Reposting it now! Let us know if you ever need anything, including links to other organizations that support male survuvors, and Keep Rising! -Kylie.
Saturday, April 20, 2013 10:52 AM
A great writer and male survivor James shared this with us. It contains some language, understandably. Victim blaming is bad enough when it happens to a woman, but men have it even worse! An erection does NOT equal consent!
Join the conversation here:
https://www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather/posts/602270496451706
Saturday, April 20, 2013 at 10:55 am
Yeah, I may have gone off a little bit in a few places. I’ve reached the limits of my tolerance with that garbage. Thanks for the incredible support!
Saturday, April 20, 2013 at 11:16 am
No problem! And any time.
Saturday, April 20, 2013 at 11:24 am