It has been a while since I've felt compelled to take a critic apart in their own special blog entry. Well, once in a while someone expressly begs for it. So, here you go.
In response to my comments on a blog entry at "Scum-o-rama", my latest fan Sargassosea, attempts to "counsel" me on rape and gender, but ends up revealing her own hatred instead.
I’m a woman who can discuss rape in a serious manner, James and it’s a terrible thing to be raped, isn’t it?
Why yes Sargassossea, it is a terrible thing. We are in complete agreement here. By the way, I know quite a few women who can discuss rape in a serious manner.
But what I’m serious about is this: that I am sick and fucking tired of MEN bemoaning rape (especially on a radical feminist blog, ffs) when MEN are the perpetrators of rape.
Umm, no. SOME men are perpetrators of rape, just like SOME women. By the way, the moderator of that particular feminist blog has the comments on moderation and chose of her own free will to allow me to leave a comment when she could just have easily pressed delete. If you have an issue with that, perhaps you need to talk to her.
As women we do not even have to go to prison first to be raped, it happens in our own homes on a DAILY BASIS and often starts when we are still little girls. Yeah, we’re so "privileged" that we get to be *free* while we’re being raped.
Yeah, like the 1 in 6 men who will be sexually victimized in their lifetimes as well, many as little boys abused by their own mothers. The vast majority of men subjected to sexual violence are victimized OUTSIDE of prison, but nice attempt at promoting a rape myth about male survivors. I wondered how long it would take until the Oppression Olympics began again. Kind of ugly, but, umm, okay.
Frankly I don’t give a political crap about men who are being raped in prison because the only reason they’re being raped in the first place is because there are no convenient FEMALE fuck holes available. Jesus.
Victim-blaming much? I care about ALL people regardless of gender regardless of their social status, but I guess that makes me a bad person.
James, I’d advise you to take your *progressive feminist male* schtick to Feministing; they’re rather fond of virtually fellating doods like you over there. But you already knew that didn’t you?
I'm not much of a "progressive feminist male", more like a civil liberties and human rights activist who cares about all humans, rather than one who promotes hatred and uses generalizing slurs. Not sure what "doods" are but maybe a doctor can look at it for me?
She got her say and "put me in my place" on a "radical feminist blog" for making the mistake of caring about all survivors of rape and sexual abuse. Well, I guess that congratulations are in order on alienating a potential ally. Good on you. So, now I've responded and done so on an internationally syndicated weblog (part of the LexisNexis archive) that will make all those pretty words a permanent monument to How Not To Be A Compassionate Person.
Of course, she also defends her own ugly racism and privilege here. I see a trend developing. After nearly 20 years of interracial marriage, personal and professional attacks and death threats from white supremacists and hate mongerers, I've come to expect batshit crazy in all forms – even from other people in interracial relationships themselves.
My new buddy, doodette, and bestie did not disappoint. Of course, whether she is actually capable of discussing survivorhood in a serious manner is still up for debate given the utter lack of serious, mature commentary reflected in her response to me. Instead of anything resembling seriousness and compassion for fellow rape survivors, I see anger, victim-blaming and generalizations. Of course, racism and hatred go together, so exactly why am I surprised?
I guess I just expect better of people. Stupid me.
That’s just… unspeakable. I’m truly ashamed of a whole lot of members of my gender right now.
Had a friend — someone I dated in college, actually — who was raped by a high school teacher when he was 15. She was 30+. All his friends thought it was so awesome, he was so lucky, she was so hot, blah blah. He tried to just bully on through, but the truth is, it messed with him. This guy had serious issues with sexuality and with women that exactly mimic a lot of the issues female rape victims have with men. So I can’t help but think it must have been just as traumatic.
He had a very hard time setting boundaries with women and was completely incapable of having a non-sexual interaction with women. It’s not that he had to have actual sex with them, but that he could not relate to them in any context except male-female. No “teacher-student,” no “colleague-colleague.” Everything was a “move.” He alternately hated and feared women, particularly strong women, yet he sought us out. Then he’d be miserable and have to go chase bimbos he could control for a while. And then he was back to wanting someone strong again.
So I guess I learned early on that men can indeed be raped BY WOMEN. Is it usually more of a mindf**k than a physical restraint strength thing? Yeah. Does that make it any less rape? Not a jot.
I admire your strength. Not many men are comfortable admitting that these things happen to them, and even fewer can admit that it hurts them. For women, it’s easier, except that we’re encouraged to bludgeon people with it and use it to get attention. I don’t talk about the things I’ve experienced for that reason, but when I talk to rape victims, I always share with them what helped me get through it. I sometimes had to sit in my room in the dark and just repeat them to myself.
1. It is not happening to me right now. Right now, I’m safe.
2. I survived it and I’m still here.
3. I will take steps to help make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Those three things got me through a lot. Maybe they can help some of the people who read your stuff. *Shrug*
i’m behind you james, you’re doing a great job at fighting for the human rights and stuff, don’t let her words bring you down.. 🙂 greetings from belgium
Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 5:38 am
Well, you certainly got her ‘message’ (read tirade?). Quite intemperate. As such, your response was exceptionally generous and considerate. And, as always, you were directly honest tempered with a pronounced ability to weave empathy, tolerance and humor in the presentation of insightful, reliable, societively proven and solid facts. I hope it can help this woman, and other readers of both gender, see, understand and accept the truth of your response in spite of their hard core estrangement, discord, distrust and fear of the realities conveyed therein. In udda woids, ya dun good!
I also hope she may accept and pursue the fact that she is obviously in need of (more?) professional help for her Anger, self-segregation and fear.
– Don Bryan, from Charlotte, NC.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 10:18 am