Dissing Liberty in the Name of Conservative Political Correctness

My new best friend, Bill Stark of Philadelphia, was kind enough to leave this silly little knee-jerk conservative edited verion of a previously libertarian piece titled "New Bill of Rights" in my forum. Of course, he didn't like my response to his silly conservative version and proceeded to go off-topic after that. Naughty, naughty little Billy Boy.

Passed off by Stark as written by Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA, the full text is available here: http://911remembered.blog.com/New+Bill+of+Rights/  (the authorship is attributed to Kaye is not true, see here for a different version: http://www.snopes.com/language/document/norights.htm) .  Also, the version posted by my new buddy was altered in several sections and a very, very significant anti-war Article was deleted somewhere along the way, in an effort to change it from a libertarian to conservative perspective:

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetter’s. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

Well, the word "liberal" and other edits were made to the original by a dishonest individual.  Wow. How about some guidelines for the "terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional" conservatives who are currently running the country and apparently think that just because they want to do a thing that they are automatically entitled? This LIBERTARIAN (not conservative apologist whiner) wants to see that list of "guildelines." Pony up mystery editor.

 "ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything."

Of course, some conservatives think they have an unending right to our pocketbooks. And they think that no one has noticed that they're spending billions on a losing war, shifting massive amounts of debt onto future generations, and have established the largest medical welfare program in history in a vote-buying scheme to scare senior citizens into supporting the GOP's Big Government candidates. Wow. Why no mention of that Mitchell?

"ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be."

Of course, that goes double for conservatives. But as demonstrated above, you like most conservatives I've known, can't handle it when you get as good as you give. Stop whining. This Article seems written just for you and your ilk.

 "ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy."

True. But what if the harm comes via U.S. warplanes dropping bombs on your weding party?   Or a S.W.A.T. raiding your house because they got the wrong address in the hyper-adrenalized paramilitary fervor?

 "ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes."

But if you are a friend of the Vice President, you can have all the no-bid contracts worth billions that you can handle. Of course, don't forget the GOP's love of corporate welfare and handouts to small businesses like farmers – at the expense of other small businesses and individuals. Why, did you forget to mention that?

 "ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care."

Unless, of course, you are a senior citizen in an election year. Then, a GOP president would be perfectly in his rights to create a massive, trillion dollar scheme to take money from one class of people and transfer that wealth to another class of people via a prescription welfare program. Bravo! The GOP has turned into the worst of the tax-and-spend Democrats.

Funny thing, you forgot to mention that. Better revise these Articles son.

"ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair."

Here's an idea, how about the GOP learn to live by the zero-aggression principle before lecturing others on how to behave. Give that a try. Then revisit this Article again.

ARTICLE VII: "You do not have the right to the possessions of others.  If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure."

Unless, of course, you are a Republican President and GOP dominated Congress. Then, you can redistribute all the wealth you want. To include, but not limited to: big-ass interventionist wars, no-bid contracts for all your closest friends and prescription drug vote-buying scams. Such a deal!

"ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful."

Of course, if you belong to a company that the Vice President used to run, you stand a much better chance of keeping your job. No-bid contracts worth billions and billions are apparently exempt from this Article. You dropped the ball here!

"ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."

Try following all I've outlined above. Happiness will be much easier to pursue without the GOP in my wallet, bedroom, phone, CPU and car. Get out of my life FIRST. Lecture me on happiness SECOND.

"ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!"

Actually, this is a country of many languages. And who is exactly is this collectivist (neo-Marxist sounding) "we" you speak of? English just happens to be the most prominent language. Perhaps you want to talk to the original inhabitants of this rock prior to making such wide-sweeping decisions? Umm-kay, my anonymous conservative friend?

"ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!"

Our Constitution (the actual document that governs this nation) makes absolutely no mention of "IN GOD WE TRUST."

Please whoever edited this new version, stop trying to change "our country's history or heritage." As you mentioned above, you don't have that right. And yet, like a typical Big Government Conservative, here you are (or whoever actually edited this into the conservative battle-cry it has become) claiming such a right nonetheless.

Fascinating.