She Starts His Engine

CBC Arts on Shall I compare thee to a … carburetor?

A man who compared a woman's chest to a carburetor has won an annual contest celebrating the worst writing in the English language.

Dan McKay, a computer analyst from North Dakota, beat thousands of entrants to the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest run by San Jose University with this bit of prose:

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."

Dude. That was inspired.

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