Since I was interviewed by HuffPost Live for their segment "When Predators Are Women", I've been getting nice, gigantic truckloads of victim-blaming from both men AND women – especially on the teaser snippet of my panel comments. Yes Virginia, even women – who you'd expect would know better in this culture of victim-blaming that female rape survivors experience daily and publicly. You'd be wrong – incredibly and horribly – wrong.
I've covered most of the victim-blaming idiocy that male survivors face before here. I recently ripped apart an arrogant and ugly female victim-blamer here as well. I'm not gonna re-hash it. Read it and stop being part of the problem. Many of you ARE part of the problem in a HUGE way.
I will, however, take the time to answer the childish comments I've heard from the knuckle-dragging troglodytes who simply cannot control themselves and should probably check in with adults before going onto the internets. So, the question of the day for these mental giants seems to be (worded 8,000 different ways): "What kind of Marine gets raped by a woman, pregnant, or not?"
Hmm. Well, if you were paying attention this would have been obvious. She asked me for a ride when our mutual friend disappeared. I was under 21 and she was around 24 or 25 and bought me a few drinks – supposedly to thank me for agreeing to drive her home. The second one was clealy spiked with something, as I got disoriented and tired very quickly. That covers the how, got it? You can read the rest of it here if this is too hard for you to comprehend.
Of course, what these tough guys (and a few gals) really mean is – how does a Marine "let" a woman rape him? What kind of man can't kick a woman's ass? Yes ladies and gentlemen, rape is apparently ALL ABOUT getting jumped and beaten into submission, anything else is NOT rape. This is the level of intellectual maturity possessed by those questioning me. REALLY.
Drugged drinks aside (how she subdued me), I am apparently a "wimp", "pussy", or whatever terminology the Almighty Gender Kops(TM) wish to use to try and make themselves feel better about a situation they cannot possibly comprehend with their fragile little minds and egos. This friends, is called policing the herd, and is done by insecure alpha-male wannabes when confronted with another male who lacks their chronic insecurities. Insecurity, immaturity and and inability to comprehend basic concepts like empathy feed into these people's twisted mindsets. They are a plague on modern masculinity, an affront to those of us who served with honor, and a danger to others.
I'll tell them once and then I'm never gonna address these clowns again.
I'm the type of Marine who would NEVER lay my hands on a woman – let alone a pregnant woman – even in my own defense. Rather than risk hurting or killing a CHILD IN THE WOMB, I did not put up resistance or use force in my own defense. Got it? I'm not doing it. If that makes me a "wimp" or a "pussy" then so be it. You'll have to be the tough guy in my stead.
I know, I'm such an asshole for not hurting a prergnant woman or her child. Clearly, I should be ashamed of myself because a REAL Marine would have kicked her ass. Amirite or amirite? Right?!
I have to ask those people what kind of heartless person would do otherwise? I have to live with the consequences of her decisions that night. I regret ever meeting her. I regret agreeing to help her. I regret letting her buy me drinks. You know what I don't regret? I don't regret restraining myself and choosing not to use force against a pregnant woman and her child – even in my own defense. I have to ask – what kind of sorry excuse for a "man" would proudly do otherwise? As is evidenced by the comments on the Huffington Post snippet of my panel comments, apparently, there are a lot of you out there without the courage to endure something horrible and then face it down like a man – and get the help you need. You'd rather silence another man for the sake of being a BIG, TOUGH GUY, because you think, given the same situation, you would actually hurt a pregnant woman just to prove your manhood. Maybe you would, which makes you as scary as you are sad.
To those playing that card, no, I don't think that makes you a "REAL MARINE" in the slightest. I think it makes you a REAL, SAD, MISERABLE excuse for a human being. In the Corps, we called such a person a Shit Bird.
Keep clucking birds. I'm not in your formation. I'd rather fly alone than with any "man" who would rather hurt a woman and silence other men, than admit he got hurt himself. I'm speaking out so that other men who have experienced rape, whether at the hands of a man or woman, feel less alone and more empoowered to seek the help they need. All you and your ilk have to offer are the tired old tricks of groupthink, cowardice and a miserable excuse for masculinity if you have to hurt a woman to prove you are a man.
I'm done with such "men" and I have no use for their violence, hatred, false bravado and utter lack of empathy. I served with pride and earned my stripes and every medal that got pinned on my chest – and I didn't need to hurt a woman to do it. My masculinity is not defined by my ability to perform violence, but my my desire to do the right thing, even at the expense of my own security.
Sergeant James A. Landrith, Jr.
United States Marine and Gulf War Veteran
UPDATE: This article has been shared on Reddit a few times and not everyone reading it gets it. I am talking about MY SPECIFIC SITUATION, not OMG ALL SITUATIONS ALL THE TIME TO INFINITY AND BEYOND WITH DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION AND A BAG OF CHIPS. If you weren't there – and you weren't – stop second-guessing me and distorting the context for your hypothetical situations. I'm not talking about hypotheticals. That is pointless as I am only talking about MY SPECIFIC SITUATION with ONE SPECIFIC RAPIST. I'm no longer reading any of the threads on Reddit due to loudmouth, shithead trolls with obvious agendas and a pathological inability to accept any explanation other than what they want to hear. I'm done with it. Find someone else to fuck with, because I don't have any more time for your bullshit.