On Friday 7/15, I was one of five rape survivors (from RAINN) who presented at a church in SE, Washington, DC. I was heartened and impressed by the desire of the church leadership and event organizer to provide their members with access to content and speakers on this important topic. This was the first time I was not the only male survivor, which was a welcome change.
The attendees were happy for all who participated, but one of the more senior female members told me that she was “overjoyed to see men speaking out.” She said that “women always show up, but we need to hear from the men too.” I’ve found that even when internet gender warriors don’t get it or scoff at male survivors for expecting a seat at the anti-sexual violence table (while doing so on The Most Important of Blogs – TM), the people who actually show up at awareness events often have entirely different ideas. I was grateful for her comments and reminded once again that people are listening, even if some of the self-appointed gatekeepers are completely clueless – or worse, complicit in the silencing of male rape survivors.
At each speaking engagement there is usually one person that will stand out for me and be remembered long after I’ve forgotten most of the event. That night, a woman spoke to me about her husband and how she long suspected something in his background but that he would not discuss it. She described how the pieces fell in line for her as she listened to me discuss my own experience. She got it. When he is ready to talk, she’ll be ready to listen and support him.
She was the reason I was there. She was the person I was supposed to reach that night. There is always one…