Destructive Allies

Starting in 2008, I first started talking about my experience as a survivor of a likely serial female predator. Over the years, I switched from national activism to volunteer advocacy to paid advocacy as a career. I’ve heard it all – to my face, online, via email, PM…you name it. Incompetent, smug, derailing online activists do so much real-world harm to survivors looking for help and community. The gatekeeping, silencing, harassment and inaccurate “facts” take the side of perpetrators by shutting down survivors simply because you don’t like how their trauma presented. If this is you, time to take a seat and think hard about your motivations for involvement in this field. Are you here to help? Or not?

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Destructive Allies:

Too often when male survivors of female perpetrators break their silence, they are treated to silencing and condescension by incompetent, abusive activists:

“We can care about male victims once we help all women first.”
“Okay, but it is really just men doing it to men.”
“You aren’t at risk of getting pregnant, so it isn’t that bad.”

If your first response to a victim of sexual violence is to silence, derail, or devalue their trauma you are not competent at activism or advocacy. Find another outlet before you cause any more damage to survivors. Please.