So, things that toxic white feminism has taught me today:
When a white woman commits a violent crime, you are expected to make excuses about what happened by pretending that she is the ONLY person to EVER be held accountable for anything at ANY time.
You are expected to ignore the victim and instead, make the offender the real victim by way of the potential they might actually face serious accountability. Remember, the white woman is the real victim because she might be held accountable, not the person they wronged, injured, killed, maimed or otherwise victimized.
You are expected to say, “but so-and-so” and “men do it too and sometimes get away with it” as a means of deflecting from the seriousness of the matter.
You are then expected to call that mess “intersectional.”
Oh fuck off to eternity with that weak bullshit.
That is exactly the opposite of being an ally.
And where did this happy horseshoe occur?
Friday, September 23, 2016 at 12:14 pm
Some of it is accumulated observations over time. The tipping point today was seeing several third-wavers complaining about Betty Shelby being charged in Tulsa. All manner of fuckery was being employed to make her the real victim. That shit is repugnant.
Friday, September 23, 2016 at 12:32 pm
First of all, James A. Landrith Jr., I agree with your assessment of the comments made in support of the murdering female cop. I hope that what I post here makes sense and does not convolute the conversation in progress.
A feminist speaking is not necessarily a person speaking for feminism. But I think that there are groups of women that bring up sexism whenever it is convenient and make demands on men that are based on a swap of inequality. We have many terms for these women but Arm Chair Feminist is one of my favorites.
Here is an egregious example:
A female mechanic that demands that men treat her as an equal, expects men to lift everything for her but quickly raises the sexist flag if a man asks her to apply “gender difference” to reach into a narrow area of an engine where a man’s hand might be too big to fit. <—Arm Chair Feminist.
Feminism was supposed to be about leveling imbalances in our power structures. This includes imbalances that hurt men. The best move that feminism ever made was to begin calling the academic side of the discipline gender studies. The term Gender Studies added dimension to the conversation and did not accidentally leave men out of the conversation. —[dimensions could be added here but it could cloud the points being made]—
No "ism" has a clear 100% solution, but feminism should be able to stand up to scrutiny. As someone sitting between Second and third wave feminism -you and I are the same age with a year in my favor; I am troubled when armchair feminism creates blinders that appear to be a sort of feminist privilege. Nevertheless, I caution people against throwing the baby out with the bathwater –which I also do not think you are doing.
There are plenty of places where patriarchy hurts men. The court-ordered child custody inequalities favoring bad mothers based on flawed gender assumptions come to mind. Men being taken seriously when they are assaulted by women is equally egregious.
Feminism must address those inequalities if it is to stand up to scrutiny. Plenty of patriarchy-driven inequalities hurt men. A growing number of men are not patriarchal, so maybe the term "Patriarchal" should also be reviewed.
For lack of a better term, "Patriarchical" practices that also hurt men should not be attributed to feminism -which is NOT what I think you are doing, but it is a comment that I hope would add to the dialogue.
Anytime a person commits a violent felony (not bonafide self-defense), they always do so from an assumption of privilege. Cops that shoot, men that rape, women that rape, all expect to use some form of privilege or ancient values to excuse their crime. I want this cop and all cops that commit murder locked up for life. I want all rapists locked up for life.
What I think people might be thinking is this: Is this cop easier to convict because she is a woman? The same issue was raised about Bill Cosby. Was he easier to convict because he is black?
Both are academically plausible.
As academically plausible as these inequalities are, it is dangerous to offer any obstructions to conviction for anyone based on peripheral inequalities. Addressing those inequalities becomes a straw man/ red herring argument that just might further obstruct justice.
In summary, I wish that people would cautiously pursue 360-degree conversations on race and gender inequality. I have been trying to iron out some of the kinks in feminism to offer a more 360-degree gender conversation in my writing.
—-I am not sure that all of this is well worded so hopefully it makes sense. If this does not add to the conversation, delete it. i will not be offended.
Friday, September 23, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Jen McClendon I love you.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 5:59 pm
Arguing academic exercises is a privileged take and not really relevant to the real world point being made. Of course, the people making Shelby out to be the “real” victim are absolutely not interested in academic discussions or examinations. They are simply running interference because a white woman is the perp here – same as they do regarding SV and DV. I have yet to see anyone using an academic approach to defend Betty Shelby The Murderer Who Is Scared Of Black Men. If they did, that would also be racist and callous.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 6:04 pm
Anger? Attacked? Hardly. I am simply direct and do not sugar-coat responses when dealing with clear attempts at misdirection, denial and derailment. Based on your responses about race not being the issue, you clearly don’t think that toxic white feminism exists and you came here out of the blue with #notallfeminists in a knee-jerk reaction to what I wrote. For the record, I have been married to a black woman for over two decades, raised two biracial boys to adulthood and founded an internationally read and cited online magazine for interracial couples and multiracial individuals (that will be 20 years old in a few months), stayed involved in civil rights and civil liberties work for two decades serving on countless issues campaigns, including suing the U.S. Department of Justice during the Bush Administration. In the end, my work and websites have been cited, quoted or mentioned in at least 60 books on race, culture, social justice and sexual violence. I spend my nights working in rape crisis and volunteering as a board member of a national survivor advocacy organization, as I am a survivor and public speaker on the topic. My work is a matter of public record. I’m not some clueless, random person you are going to educate by denying race is a factor here. With regard to allies, I was specifically addressing those toxic white feminists who claim to be allies to other demographics and groups (such as African Americans, male survivors, LGBTQ+ community, etc.) and misuse the term intersectional, while they are simultaneously running to make excuses whenever a white woman is in trouble for something she actually did and deserves to face accountability over. They are usually younger, third-wave, white (although sometimes older and second-wave) and clueless about race beyond what they read in spaces that consist of only people they largely agree with and very little actual knowledge learned from experience working as a real-world blood, sweat and tears activist, instead choosing to share memes on Tumblr and Twitter as if that were equivalent. Since you read black feminists and womanists regularly, then you already know that toxic white feminism is a very real issue affecting many women of color and effectively treats their issues as trivial and unimportant – via unchecked privilege, arrogance when presented with evidence of derailment and racism, silencing of black voices through condescension or bullying, and makes endless countless excuses for peers involved in such and you wouldn’t be on this thread talking about #notallfeminists. Truly, you would not. You would be listening more and reacting far less with #notallfeminists.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 10:37 pm
No excuses for any offenders!
Friday, September 23, 2016 at 1:15 pm
These are the “feminists” that the rest of us want to never be associated with yet they seem to always be pulling us down. Feminism is not supposed to be making victims of women but making equals of everyone. If someone screws up, hold them accountable, regardless of: gender, race, religion, socioeconomic background. I understand most guys (read: people since the English language defaults to the masculine) know there’s a difference. This is on the off chance someone, gender doesn’t matter, who doesn’t know sees this. I want there to be someone who has explained the difference. For the record, I’m white-ish and definitely a feminist.
Friday, September 23, 2016 at 3:36 pm
Of course, for those not paying attention, I was careful in my language by saying “toxic white feminism”, not “feminism”. I know, #notallfeminists is always okay while #notallmen is not. I know, I know…
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 4:01 pm
I actually have a big problem with the #notallmen thing too….if we’re supposed to be equal, it should go without saying we all should see stupid like in the article as the outlier but until both sides trust each other, it will have to keep being repeated. And for the record, I did see you make the distinction. For that I do thank you.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 4:05 pm
Also, could please tell me how toxic feminism is specifically a “white” thing? I understand the cop in this case was white and female however I have seen the toxic form of feminism in every culture. Not everything is racial. Toxic feminism should be decried every time it appears not tied to one race or another. Before you say I’m defending anything, look at my other posts. I am against those who do wrong, regardless of race, I’m upset she was that unstable and became a cop. I’m mad she shot a man for his race. I’m disheartened that feminism has been portrayed as “women are always the victim” in this and other cases.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 5:21 pm
Perhaps you should consider spending some time reading womanist pages and listening to black feminists? It IS a thing. Clueless, defensive and often well-meaning, privileged white women who identify as feminists sometimes have a tendency to knee-jerk react to discussions of race, racism and call-outs by deflecting with “not-all…” or “men do it too.” What I am seeing in the case of Betty Shelby is more of the same with some third-wavers ignoring the victim while attempting to deflect blame from Shelby by making her a victim for being (possibly) held accountable. Spend a little time googling “white feminism” and process what you’ve read. It IS a serious issue and true allies take it seriously
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 5:38 pm
I grew up listening to black feminists and white feminists and those of different parts of Asia and Europe. Before you think I am uneducated on the issue. I grew up in a city that had no racial distinction. You were rich or you weren’t. You worked in the shipyard or you went to college. If your parents couldn’t afford college, you went into the shipyard. I have seen things most people on see in war. I don’t understand why race is brought in when it is less of a “white feminist” thing and more of a “toxic feminist” thing. As far as your comment about “reading woman’s pages” I have listened to female leaders from all sides of feminism, as I firmly believe you should know what you want to fight as intimately as what you defend. As far as “knee-jerk reactions go” I see you responding with anger when I was merely asking for clarification. Did I state my point of view and some background? Yes. I did so you might understand the person behind the words better. I never said anything that attacked you. I would like to know one othet thing, exactly what “allies” are you talking about? I don’t understand if you are talking about people who believe one gender/race/sexual preference/religion should be lauded above another or people who are wanting everyone, regardless of gender/race/sexual preference/religion, to be viewed as equal. I side squarely with the second camp in every group. I don’t believe I’m above anyone and I don’t believe anyone is above me. As far as I’m concerned there are just people, some you like and some you don’t but that doesn’t make anyone better than or worse than anyone else.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 5:49 pm
Anger? Attacked? Hardly. I am simply direct and do not sugar-coat responses when dealing with clear attempts at misdirection, denial and derailment. Based on your responses about race not being the issue, you clearly don’t think that toxic white feminism exists and you came here out of the blue with #notallfeminists in a knee-jerk reaction to what I wrote. For the record, I have been married to a black woman for over two decades, raised two biracial boys to adulthood and founded an internationally read and cited online magazine for interracial couples and multiracial individuals (that will be 20 years old in a few months), stayed involved in civil rights and civil liberties work for two decades serving on countless issues campaigns, including suing the U.S. Department of Justice during the Bush Administration. In the end, my work and websites have been cited, quoted or mentioned in at least 60 books on race, culture, social justice and sexual violence. I spend my nights working in rape crisis and volunteering as a board member of a national survivor advocacy organization, as I am a survivor and public speaker on the topic. My work is a matter of public record. I’m not some clueless, random person you are going to educate by denying race is a factor here. With regard to allies, I was specifically addressing those toxic white feminists who claim to be allies to other demographics and groups (such as African Americans, male survivors, LGBTQ+ community, etc.) and misuse the term intersectional, while they are simultaneously running to make excuses whenever a white woman is in trouble for something she actually did and deserves to face accountability over. They are usually younger, third-wave, white (although sometimes older and second-wave) and clueless about race beyond what they read in spaces that consist of only people they largely agree with and very little actual knowledge learned from experience working as a real-world blood, sweat and tears activist, instead choosing to share memes on Tumblr and Twitter as if that were equivalent. Since you read black feminists and womanists regularly, then you already know that toxic white feminism is a very real issue affecting many women of color and effectively treats their issues as trivial and unimportant – via unchecked privilege, arrogance when presented with evidence of derailment and racism, silencing of black voices through condescension or bullying, and makes endless countless excuses for peers involved in such and you wouldn’t be on this thread talking about #notallfeminists. Truly, you would not. You would be listening more and reacting far less with #notallfeminists.
Sunday, September 25, 2016 at 10:37 pm