Irin Carmon, writing for Jezebel, on “Once Again, Women Can Rape Men Too “:
Kris Bucher says that when he was 17, his on-again-off-again girlfriend Jessica Fuller pinned him down with one arm, slammed her hand over the lock of the car when he tried to get out of it, and, despite his repeated, verbalized lack of consent, raped him. (The two had vowed to abstain after she had a miscarriage.) Afterwards, he and his parents say Fuller admitted she’d forced him into sex in their presence, and Bucher says he called the Sheriff but wasn’t taken seriously. Fuller got pregnant, had the child, and didn’t ask him for help — but when she went on welfare, the state of Michigan ordered him to pay child support. He’s currently fighting it in court.
In response to this story, reader “Girl-With-A-Pearl-Earring” had these minimizing things to say:
How horrible is it that while I believe that woman-on-man rape** is possible, I get nervous when it comes to the forefront of the discussion of rape?
I don’t want to minimize the trauma of male victims and I want people to take w-on-m rape seriously, but like in the case of domestic violence, focusing on woman-perpetrated events when they are the extreme minority takes the attention away from the thousands of events perpetrated against women that never get reported or are downplayed by society/authorities/etc. It is so easy for us to minimize violence against women by making it (mansplaining) into an issues for men and women alike. Men are victims, but if w-on-m rape becomes a topic of discussion (like w-on-m domestic abuse) we will spend a disproportionate amount of time discussing the man-based minority than heavily female-affected norm.
(**I don’t include man-on-man rape in this discussion)
Wow @girl-with-a-pearl-earring, so men like me who were raped by women should just shut up and sit in the corner quietly because there are fewer of us? How is that not minimization and trivialization????????? I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT. We are here and deserve to be treated like human beings. Get used to it.
Also, this discussion has not been brought to the “forefront.” It is being talked about along side the ZILLIONS OF DISCUSSIONS centered solely on male on female rape. Really. You consider that the “forefront”????
I am so tired of this argument being used by some to silence any recognition of male survivors and female predators. Why participate in the discussion if you only want to talk about female survivors and male perpetrators. Why can’t others practice their empathy for ALL survivors and disdain for ALL perpetrators, without it being trivialized and basically described as not important enough to mention.
Put yourself in the shoes of a man who has been raped by a woman and think about how your words would appear to them. I am such a man. I feel like you are trivializing my experiences and promoting a hierarchy of survivorhood based solely on the gender of the perp. What about women raped by other women? Do you know how many of them remain silent due to such attitudes? I hear from them often as I tell my own story publicly.
I assure you – my PTSD is just as real as that of a female survivor of a male rapist. I’m so tired of this bullshit argument bandied about every time the tiniest acknowledgement of female predators and male survivors occurs. This discussion has not in any manner impeded anyone else from having their own discussions about male on female rape.
It hasn’t. IT HASN’T.