There are open letters and campaigns circulating the blogosphere regarding rape joke "humor" and Facebook groups that also promote such. While I support the message that rape "humor" is not so funny and can be quite damaging to survivors exposed to such, some of the underlying assumptions are incorrect. A few of the worst assumptions are outlined below:
- Only men promote rape jokes seems to be the underlying theme of both the Facebook campaign and the open letters.
As a male survivor, I disagree with the assumption that only men make rape jokes. My own personal experience flies in the face of that ridiculous assertion. I cannot count how many women I’ve seen laugh along with male rape jokes both on TV, movies or in the work place. Further, I've seen the word "rape" used to describe trivial matters on such a regular basis by both women and like men. Clearly, failure to grasp the magnitude of that word is not limited to one gender.
Search for “female rapist” on Twitter and you will find many women tweeting rape jokes all day long. Don’t even bother with prison rape jokes as women are also some of the worst offenders in that category too. I was raped by a woman. Really. It fucking happens. I can't possibly explain how fucking triggering it is to be confronted with jokes about female rapists on a fairly regular basis.I've lost track of how many times I've seen this play out in movies, television and online.
Obviously that doesn't count as a man is not making the jokes and a woman is not the victim.
- Rape Is No Joke's cofounder Katie Aslop further asserts that male survivors are "statistically insignificant."
This blatant form of minimization and promotion of a survivor hierarchy undermines the awareness campaign they've been building. Someone needs to explain to me why it is necessary for the co-founder of RINJ to minimize and lie about male survivors in order to fight these disgusting rape joke groups on Facebook. I've yet to see a compelling, non-sexist reason from RINJ. This needs to be addressed maturely and compassionately by someone with actual experience with male rape survivor issues.
Given that we (male survivors of sexual violence) actually number in the MILLIONS, it should not be hard to find a knowledgable and compassionate person to explain it. Clearly, Katie Aslop is NOT that person. Further, RINJ seems to be making their argument based on stats that DO NOT INCLUDE most female rapists, nor most forms of rape used against men and boys as part of the data sets. How can someone make the argument that male survivors are "statistically insignificant" by using stats that completely omit most male survivors based on alternate language or built-in biases that exclude most female rapists and sex abusers? Yes, the stats were cherry-picked off of RAINN's website. Howver, RAINN did not fund nor collect those stats. Further, those statistical models have been picked apart and the biases exposed several times over. For better models, see Jacob Taylor's article and visit 1in6.
So, men need to stop making rape jokes and looking the other way while other men do it? HOW ABOUT EVERYONE NEEDS TO FUCKING STOP.
Now. Thanks for being a buddy. You're the best.
Some sample links to the open letters:
- http://oforganon.tumblr.com/post/11150747104/to-all-those-men-who-dont-think-the-rape-jokes-are-a
- http://talkinreckless.com/2011/11/29/an-earnest-letter-to-guys-about-the-problem-with-rape-joke/