The Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton on "Violent Games":
…there are a lot of behaviors, attitudes and ways in which people interact with each other that are harmful, painful, derogatory and violent, such as name calling, hitting, discrimination based on race, sexual harassment, etc., that we minimize with phrases like, “Oh, I was just having a little fun,” “It’s no big deal,” “It’s just a joke,” “I’m only racist when I drink,” “Why do you have to be such a prude?” Those phrases are used to both minimize the harmful and negative consequences of words and/or behaviors as well as cut down the voice of anyone who chooses to speak out in resistance to their minimizing tactics. If I say pinching people on St. Patrick’s Day is a way to normalize violence as a game, and someone calls me a prude, that is their effort to make what I’ve just said less legitimate.
There are a lot of words we can call people to de-legitimate what they have to say and what they choose to do. Some include: prude, stupid, lame, idiot, snitch, frigid, bitch, gay, faggot, freak. They represent one of the ways language has so much power to distort and create the meaning we make of our lives by de-legitimating the voice and perspectives of certain people.
And they have central roles in how groups of people can justify violence.
I was picked on and bullied a great deal growing up. Individual incidents ranged from simple roughing up, to being sucker punched in the back of the head by a coward with 50+ pounds on me, among other incidents. When it wasn’t physical (boys or girls getting boys to do it for them), it was largely psychological abuse. I don’t prescribe to the sticks and stones mindset. Words can hurt and they have meanings, else our species would not have developed written and oral speech. I still carry some physical and many unseen mental scars from those years of abuse. Often, the school administration was less than sympathetic and in a few cases, I was actually punished for self-defense. I believe that such conditioning as a child left me more vulnerable to sexual violence as an adult.
My philosophy is that we should use words responsibly or not speak at all and that goes for everyone – little boys AND little girls and adult men AND adult women. No one gets a pass for any reason. Obviously, the level of response differs based on age, situation, etc., but I don’t just “let it go” anymore. For the sake of my own child, I refuse.
Relevant Links:
http://sacetalks.wordpress.com/2011/03/18/violent-games/