The question, "What did speaking out change for you?" was asked of survivors by the author of a popular survivor's handbook. My response is below:
What did speaking out change for me? – It made things official. It put me in contact with an incredible number of survivors in my own personal circle of friends and colleagues. It gave me some purpose to perform other than processing the trauma.
Once I put the story out there, I could no longer pretend or embrace the comfortable denial I had known for nearly 20 years. I made a bold and irreversible decision to tell my story online through a columnist at one of the most popular blogs in the blogosphere. The columnist took a few liberties with the account and added a tad bit of a sensationalistic tone, but the basic facts were correct. Shortly afterward, I published the details on my own blog, under my own name. I won't pretend that everyone was supportive. In fact, the initial reaction was incredibly triggering and re-traumatizing. However, that only lasted a few days once survivors from all over the blogosphere stumbled onto the columns and other blogs who linked to it or wrote about it.
I immediately began to hear from people who had endured similar experiences (raped by a female). I was simply trying to help myself heal and accidentally started to help other survivors. Once I learned that other survivors were benefiting from my willingness to face the rape deniers (both male and female), shamers and other dregs of humanity – that was far more healing that I could have ever expected. When someone attempts to shame me now, I re-read one of the supportive emails I've received and I remember that those are the people I'm talking to – not the trolls and haters.