Reprinted by permission of Ray Abernathy. Ray’s website is available at: http://www.rayabernathy.com
It was a three-dog night in Iowa in more ways than one. The weather was cold enough to freeze a caucus-goer in mid-stride, but it didn’t keep the sturdy sorts from turning out in record numbers. In the Republican ring a chubby Beagle upset a Standard-bred Poodle and a droopy old Bloodhound. Over in the Dem side of the tent a noble Irish Setter (yes, that’s how he comes off) was clearly best-of-show, followed at a respectful distance by an exhuberant Springer Spaniel and our loyal national Golden Retriever. But our national Airedale of the Affluent was having nothing to do with the riff-raff — Michael Bloomberg, the emergency backup dog for the Democratic Leadership Council, was curled up in his posh nest in Manhattan, dreaming about how to become President of the United States without really trying.
Backspace a bit. When my wife and I returned last week from our annual no-news pilgrimage through the Deep South, I remarked on going through the accumulated papers that all of the presidential candidates had begun to look like the Mr. Potato Head dolls they’d all posed with in our absence. But when I came across big takeouts in the New York Times and the Washington Post huffing up the Mayor Mikie Bloomlet, I realized all the candidates actually competing in Iowa looked more like genuine American heroes, men and women (well, woman) willing to submit themselves and their families to scathing scrutiny by the media, push their bodies through an onslaught of icicles, and strip down to their skivvies a dozen times a day so Carl, Jane, Olaf and Samantha-Jo could take a closer look at their sacred honors.
By comparison, Bloomberg and his backers (formers like Sam Nunn and David Boren) were discernable at first glance for exactly who they are, corporate hyenas waiting to drag down candidates exhausted by the primaries, hoping to slide into the White House through the side door of an “independent” candidacy.
A fresh alternative? Far from it: Bloomberg is just the latest love-child of the right-wing Democratic Leadership Council, a vain billionaire who’s more than willing to submit himself to the siren call of history as long as it doesn’t require any heavy lifting.
Motivation? The DLC-types are having hissyfits about their party and the country swinging leftward with Barack Obama or, heaven forbid, John Edwards. (Actually, it’s just leaning a little bit back towards center, but that’s enough to bring the gargoyles of greed out in full bray to protect their untaxed incomes, unregulated financial institutions, and un-Godly profits.)
Chances of success? Slim and none. Ross Perot finished his independent challenge without winning a single electoral vote, the only real “sucking sound” that of millions of dollars being vacuumed from his wallet. Ralph Nader (a vain non-billionaire if there ever was one) succeeded only in stealing enough popular votes to throw the electoral college to Bush. (And Sam, where were you eight years ago when your party so desperately needed you to take on Bush and prevent the rape of Iraq and the plunder of our legal system and our economy?)
Likely result? With liberal positions on abortion, immigration, smoking, greenhouse gasses and gun control, Bloomberg isn’t going to pull votes away from the Republican nominee. No, if the election is close, he’ll tip it towards more tax cuts for the rich, more slaughter in Iraq, and more corporate control over our lives. If Mayor Mike wants to be POTUS, better he should pull on his jockstrap and get himself out into the open air where we can measure HIS values and rummage through his dirty HIS dirty laundry. The New York Times editorial page this morning not withstanding, Iowa and New Hampshire are the skunk-works of American democracy. They are the laboratories where candidates for president test their ideas and are themselves tested, not by polls and pundits, but by the Carl, Jane, Olaf and Samantha-Jo. Without that testing, Mayor Mike is about as safe a choice as a toy truck manufactured in China.
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Note: Ok, OK, I was marginally wrong about change — between the two leading Democratic candidates, change came up with nearly 70 percent of the vote in Iowa. But I still say Americans will, in the end, go for change with a small “c”. And that spells O-B-A-M-A.