More Than A Love Story: Cassandra By Starlight

I'm not one to read romances, like, ever - with the exception of Dorothy Eden's "Winterwood" from 800 years ago or so.  I was looking through a pile of used books at a garage sale, found the cover art interesting and didn't put the book down.  Sometimes, that is how it works out with a book.

I first heard about Cassandra By Starlight from the author herself.  She had Tweeted about female on male rape, which caught my attention as a male survivor of a female predator.  When I responded to her and identified myself as a survivor, she admitted to me that my own story had been used as source material for a section of the book.  I was not sure what to think at first.  Surprise and, umm, surprise.  I decided to read it and see what she had created.  I added the book to my Nook and then let it sit there a bit.  It took me a while to get the courage to read this book.

Now, knowing that part of a horrible experience from my life was to be found masked within the pages didn't make it easier to get started.  However, Susan created believable and likable characters that you get attached to quickly.  I saw friends in the personality and life experiences that made up both Cassandra and Bennett.  They fought and loved and survived.  I know that story.  Its very real.

The pages dealing with both the rape and the aftermath were realistic from the perspective of both perpetrator and victim.  She (the stalker and rapist) was creepy and disgusting and realistic.  I cringed and remembered my own experience.  It was real to me.  It was also nice to see supportive friends included and a real reaction to a traumatic event portrayed in the book.  Too often, a similar scenario with the same gender mix is played for comedic effect or it is "shaken off" like it was nothing.  Male survivors of rape are real people, with real emotions.  Susan did not create a caricature.

I don't want to reveal any more about the story.  What I've said above can be found on the author's own blog, so I feel comfortable discussing as much.

Despite what both of the main characters endured, they do find happiness in the end.  It is a romance, you know?  While at the core, Cassandra By Starlight is a love story, it is also a story about transcending adversity and multiple traumas.  It is about making a life in spite of what happens to us, not because of what happens to us.

Read it.  You won't be disappointed.

February 20, 2013

Dear Member of Congress:

We, the undersigned organizations, representing thousands of businesses and millions of Americans from all sides of the political spectrum, encourage you to vote against a mandatory national “E-Verify” electronic employment verification system established by S. 202 or in subsequent comprehensive immigration reform bills. Although we believe it is irredeemably flawed, we believe reasonable amendments can mitigate some of its negative effects.

E-Verify imposes immigration enforcement costs on Americans. System errors will make hundreds of thousands of legal workers visit federal offices to exercise their right to work.

• Reform: Make E-Verify’s deployment contingent on due process for workers, a low error rate, and a strict limit on wait times for employers and employees to resolve database errors.
  

E-Verify errors disproportionately impact minority groups: including young workers, married women, naturalized citizens, legal immigrants, and individuals with multiple surnames, including many Hispanics.

• Reform: Suspend E-Verify’s rollout if it has a discriminatory impact on these groups.
  

E-Verify conscripts employers to act as immigration agents. According to Bloomberg Government, small businesses will spend $2.6 billion every year to implement the system.

• Reform: Avoid draconian penalties and allow businesses to correct paperwork errors.
  

E-Verify will exacerbate identity theft. E-Verify will increase demand for stolen identities and enable thieves to use its database to determine the validity of a Social Security number.

• Reform: Send written notifications to any individual whose name is checked by E-Verify and prohibit E-Verify use without employees’ prior knowledge.
  

E-Verify creates a de facto national ID system. Since the system permits identity verification, it can be used to monitor access to any public or private service based on immigration status or any other criteria.

• Reform: Prohibit the inclusion of biometrics and state motor vehicle records in the system and authorize E-Verify to be used only to determine work eligibility.
  

The case for E-Verify presumes that Congress cannot create a system that prevents unauthorized entries at the border. This is wrong. Congress can and should address illegal immigration without sacrificing Americans’ privacy or imposing the costs of immigration enforcement on small businesses and workers. If an E-Verify mandate is enacted anyway, these reasonable
reforms are essential.

Sincerely,

Advocacy for Principled Action in Government
American Civil Liberties Union
American Library Association
Bill of Rights Defense Committee

Blacks in Law Enforcement of America
Center for Digital Democracy
Center for Financial Privacy and Human Rights
Center for Media and Democracy
Center for Media Justice
Competitive Enterprise Institute
Constitutional Alliance
Consumer Action
Consumer Federation of America
Cyber Privacy Project
Defending Dissent Foundation
DRUM - Desis Rising Up & Moving
Electronic Frontier Foundation
Equal Justice Alliance
The 5-11 Campaign
Former Congressman Bob Barr
The Greater Cleveland Immigrant Support Network
Hispanic Leadership Fund
Home School Legal Defense Association
Insituto de Educación Popular del Sur de California (IDEPSCA)
La Asamblea de Derechos Civiles de Minnesota
The Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights
Liberty Coalition
Main Street Project
Media Alliance
Media Literacy Project

The Multiracial Activist
National Alliance of Latin American and Caribbean Communities (NALACC)
National Small Business Association
National Workrights Institute
New York Immigration Coalition
Patient Privacy Rights
Privacy Activism
Privacy Journal
Privacy Rights Clearinghouse
Privacy Times
Rights Working Group
The Rutherford Institute
South Asian Americans Leading Together (SAALT)
Taxpayers Protection Alliance
World Privacy Forum

Well, today I was treated to some of the worst victim-blaming I've received yet from rape denialists and self-appointed gender police. I'm so tired of this garbage. Why is this okay? Why is this tolerated? Why are so many people still pretending that this shit doesn't happen to male survivors as well? I'm over being nice. I'm over tolerating the excuse-making bystanders and the colluders. I'm over all of it.

THIS is why so many male rape survivors stay silent. THIS is why so many of our lives end prematurely and violently - especially those who deal with MST (Military Sexual Trauma). THIS is why most of us will NEVER tell ANYONE. THIS is why so many of us will never heal. THIS is why it appears that so many male survivors seem absent in the fight against sexual violence. Not only do we have to fight against the same victim-blaming from low IQ knuckle-dragging troglodytes that female survivors deal with regularly, we are also targeted often by women who have decided that men can't be raped and if they are - then they are liars who must be bullied, mocked, harassed and shouted down into shameful silence.

I'm trying not to hate. I'm trying to calm down. It is going to be really difficult. I don't know how successful that will be going forward. People are too damned evil and some of them are just plain worthless. Male survivors, just like our sisters in healing, have a lot of work ahead to fight these types of sick, disgusting, worthless excuses for humanity. For now, I'm just going to have to feel these emotions and try to keep on target. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not shutting up, but I am pissed off and beyond my levels of tolerance for disgusting asshattery right now. Please understand and let me breathe through it. I'm not sure how not to be pissed off right now. I need to accept that.

Thankfully, I have a strong network of female and male survivors to help me through days like this, when it seems like the walls are crushing down on me and the PTSD is spiking up.  Thank you to all of you who have reached out.  In case I forget to tell you personally, please know that it is appreciated.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi