From Dean Esmay, who also experienced sexual violence at the hands of a female, on "Raped on Active Duty: Why He Didn't Report":
"James is still regularly harassed and abused for telling his story. People don’t believe him, they call him a lunatic and a liar and a misogynist and a loser and a scumbag. I wish I could say I find such reactions surprising, but sadly I do not find them surprising at all. People are assholes. And no one ever wants to believe victims of female predators. You can read about James’ story right here."
I know, I know- we aren't supposed to talk about female predators or male survivors because only men rape, because rape is gendered, because circular logic, because rare, because cherry-picked stats, because patriarchy, because I said so. Got it?
I'm so fucking tired of this emerging mentality, promoted mostly by young, idealistically arrogant women who haven't been raped, telling men who have been raped that we need to take a backseat, shut up and wait our turn, or that our issues don't matter simply because they say so on the basis of their gender authority. Male survivors have finally begun to exercise their voices and some of us can be just as loud as the women. Get used to it. Since you aren't shouting them down, where do you get the right to expect us to be silent and obedient to your dictates? It is wonderful to see so many young people getting involved, but get this straight – six months of college level ideological exploration and a few courses in gender studies do not trump a living, breathing, male survivor's two decades of PTSD, healing and experiences in real world victim-blaming. Start talking to us instead of at us; for us instead of against us; and with us instead of at cross purposes.
We've been forced into the corner on this issue long enough. I'm done dealing with anyone who uses the words "rare", "gendered", "patriarchy" or other sexist and loaded terminology as weapons to silence actual rape survivors and inflict secondary wounding on those of us whose real world experiences don't fit their narrowly defined "legitimate" rape arguments.
Sexual violence issues and real world survivor advocacy are far more nuanced and real than the soundbites, slogans and juvenile, simplistic jingoism that passes for most internet activism. A real discussion is merited. Let's get to it.