I recently attended the House Armed Services Committee hearing on the sexual assault investigations at Lackland Air Force Base on January 23, 2013.  A group of female and male survivors attended to support witness TSgt Jennifer Norris, USAF Ret., who spoke bravely and loudly to the HASC that afternoon.  Prior to the hearing, Protect Our Defenders held a press conference that included Paula Coughlin-Puopolo, who you may remember as the brave whisteblower from the Tailhook scandal.  Protect Our Defenders is doing great work and I recommend you check them out and offer your support if so inclined.

I've talked about my own rape many times before, but I really haven't discussed the military aspect of it in detail.  If you haven't served, some of this may be hard to grasp.  For those who aren't familiar with my story, you can visit the links below.  I'm not going to rehash it here.  I've done enough of that lately:

• http://www.rolereboot.org/sex-and-relationships/details/2012-12-one-mans-story-of-the-night-he-was-raped
• http://jameslandrith.com/content/view/3854/79/
• http://jameslandrith.com/content/view/3913/79/

Why didn’t I report what happened to me? I could not safely report that I was raped by a woman, nor could I seek help on base as men were not viewed as rape survivors - a situation that hasn't changed much from the 1990s.  I've talked about the myriad types of victim-blaming experienced by male rape survivors before, so I won't cover those issue again here.  Instead, I am going to discuss why as an active duty male Marine, I chose not to report or risk exposure by seeking help.  For those who don't want to hear from male survivors or believe that sexual violence only affects women, understand now that you are part of the problem and the blame for the silencing of millions is yours to share.  Twenty years after my rape, many people still mock male survivors and laugh in our faces.  I've spoken out publicly and loudly and I still get this type of victim-blaming on a regular basis.  It still hurts.  I'm not shutting up and I'm not going away.  Get used to hearing from us.  We are awake now - and we are done being told to sit in the corner.

I was raped  at the start of the 1990's witch hunts for homosexuals in uniform and the persecution of anyone targeted, regardless of their actual orientation. These "investigations" were happening aggressively and in the open, creating a scary and oppressive environment.  To state that I didn’t want to have sex with a particular woman – any woman – would have allowed those bigots to invoke the myth that all men want sex from all women all the time and then focus their hate and small minds in my direction.  Forget the fact that I was in love with another woman.  I must have wanted it or else I was in the closet and then fair game for the boot-licking fascists conducting the witch-hunts.  I had enough to deal with as a 19 year old rape victim.  I didn't need or want that ugly era in Americn history dropped on top of the situation.

There is a pervasive view in society that men are incapable of consent by default - we all want sex all the time, however we can get it - even large groups of women believe this myth.  Had I reported it, I would have then without been accused of being a homosexual by default, since I did not want sexual contact with the woman who raped me.  All men want all sex all the time from all women.  Right?  RIGHT?!  That would have led to an investigation and eventual prosecution.  No evidence was really required to ruin a Marine’s career in that scary and pathological environment.  An allegation from an unenlightened, homophobic officer was all it would have taken.  You didn’t have to look very far to find such a bigoted and close-minded person back then.  They were everywhere.  Further, I could have been targeted for prosecution if they chose to believe my rapist or she made good on her implied threat.  Resources for male survivors were almost non-existent and attitudes then were downright shameful.  That situation has not changed much in 20 years.

I spent the next 4 years on active duty trying not to betray my fear or let fellow Marines, NCOs, SNCOs and officers see that I was not whole.  I could not allow them to see what had happened for fear that I would be the one treated like the criminal.  I’ve seen enough of the military justice system to know that justice is just a word.

I have to live with the consequences of her decisions that night as well as the inability of the Department of Defense to take rape seriously.  The resources that could have helped me cope then were non-existent and the oppressive environment created by the homophobia running rampant only contributed to the silencing.  While things have gotten a bit better, most military survivors still feel severely intimidated and afraid to report.  That has to change if the DoD is serious about ending sexual violence in the ranks and treating the survivors - rather than punishing them and subjecting them to institutional victim-blaming and further abuses.

While bruises, cuts and blood can be evidence of sexual assault, they are hardly indicative that a person is lying if they are lacking such indicators.  The woman who raped me left me physically unscathed with the exception of some chaffing that quickly healed.  The real damage was psychological and hidden.  I had nowhere to go for help.  There were no resources on base, no one I could look to for help without worrying that I would be the one prosecuted.  Over the years, I have heard from far too many survivors who were shamed, called liars or treated horribly because a friend, family member, commanding officer, NCO, SNCO or even attending medical personnel questioned their experience because they were not physically injured “enough” – as if there is a specific level necessary to make it “legitimate.”

The Department of Defense has failed miserably across the board when it comes to sexual assault and survivor assistance.  It is time to take it out of their hands.  Congress must act now or they are endorsing the military's rank apathy and embracing further victimization of men and women in uniform.

Read the statements and documents on Protect Our Defenders.  Research Military Sexual Trauma and stop listening to the guys with the shiny stuff on their collars.  They really aren't saying anything different from their pitiful peers of prior years.  They are just getting better at the PR game.

Luke Harding, from The Guardian, on Timbuktu mayor: Mali rebels torched library of historic manuscript:

Islamist insurgents retreating from Timbuktu set fire to a library containing thousands of priceless historic manuscripts, according to the Saharan town's mayor, in an incident he described as a "devastating blow" to world heritage.

 

Hallé Ousmani Cissé told the Guardian that al-Qaida-allied fighters on Saturday torched two buildings that held the manuscripts, some of which dated back to the 13th century. They also burned down the town hall, the governor's office and an MP's residence, and shot dead a man who was celebrating the arrival of the French military.

 

French troops and the Malian army reached the gates of Timbuktu on Saturday and secured the town's airport. But they appear to have got there too late to rescue the leather-bound manuscripts that were a unique record of sub-Saharan Africa's rich medieval history. The rebels attacked the airport on Sunday, the mayor said.

 

"It's true. They have burned the manuscripts," Cissé said in a phone interview from Mali's capital, Bamako. "They also burned down several buildings. There was one guy who was celebrating in the street and they killed him."

The value of some things cannot never be measured in terms of commerce. I'll never understand why religious extremists (of so many faiths) have to be so destructive and full of hate.  Before my Christian readers seek to use this travesty as ammo in their war on Islam, remember that you get to own the  Westboro Baptist Church, Ku Klux Klan, Timothy McVeigh, Matt Hale and countless others who espoused one form or another of Christianity.  You don't get to expel your extremists while treating the extremists of other religions as the mainstream. 

Remember that next time you think about hurting someone emotionally, physically or verbally for worshipping differently.  We have too much hate and not enough love.  Be on the side of love and I won't care what you believe spiritually.

I received an email from Cristina Robinson today in response to my article about her mockery of me.  Apparently, I am just supposed to be okay with her weak apology and she is now the victim because the person (me) that she humiliated with her victim-blaming and denial actually had the gall to be offended.  Wow.  Her comments are below in the indents:

WOW!! You're one angry and resentful guy. I have apologized to you, learned about your plight and the plight of others and yet, you vilify me on your blog. You talked about me lacking compassion, when you should take a look at yourself. At least, I was ashamed of myself, I apologized, mended my ways, learned and took down the offensive posts. What else did you want?

When you've been raped and talked about it publicly and then been told you are a liar and humiliated by an "advice blogger" then you can tell me what level of anger I'm allowed.  Until then, you don't get to decide for me what I am supposed to feel about YOUR actions and involvement in furthering rape myths with your mean-spirited comments.

You mocked me PUBLICLY in front of your readers, called me a LIAR on Twitter without so much as a retraction, and then offered a weak one sentence apology on Facebook.  Does that truly seem sufficient to you?  You are the person who arrogantly said those things about a rape survivor who told his story publicly and now you are crying victim?  Do have the slightest idea how hard it is for people who have been raped to talk about it publicly?  Do you have the slightest idea how badly society wants us to be silent and hidden?  Your own words contributed to that shaming and silencing.  You humiliated me and now you expect to be handled with kid gloves, with a simple "oops, my bad" apology?

Really?  

What you did was not only done in ignorance, but you were mean about it as well.  It was mocking and humiliating - but yeah, I'm the bad guy for talking about it.

Wow.

Also, do you think by your people sending me hate emails, that is going to help your plight? Do you think by your people sending me threatening emails, that is going to help your cause? Do you really think by adding hate, foul language to the mix, that really is going to help this cause? I thought you, being a marine, would be smarter than that. At least I am doing something more constructive about it and thanks to your personal blog post, I got many followers to my page but I'm not interested in that kind of following. I want people to follow me because they think that the posts I personally write on my blog help them and not because you wrote something that picked their curiosity.

Who in the world are "your people"?  I don't have my own "people".  I wrote about my experience as someone who was victim-blamed.  You are the victim-blamer.  You did THAT.  Your weak apology on a Facebook thread is hardly on the same level with how you humiliated me with your mockery and denial.  I didn't have anyone send you emails and unless you can prove otherwise, you are lying.  You may have received angry emails, but I didn't tell anyone to send them, nor did I put your contact information online or link to it in any way.

I'm glad you got more followers.  I hope you do something useful with that traffic that doesn't involve humiliating and mocking male rape survivors in ignorance.  You don't get a free pass on that behavior simply because you claim to have learned your lesson.  Your actions were just plain hateful and inexcusable.  YOU have more to learn if you think my anger is invalid.

What are you doing about it that is constructive?  I see a woman who doesn't think she did anything wrong and who offered a very weak apology.  I actually do work to counter the effects of sexual violence in the real world - not just on a blog.  Your contribution in that regard has been to mock and humliate rape survivors and then to complain that your "oops, my bad" style apology wasn't accepted readily enough.  What in the world are you talking about?

Anyway, no sense to me apologizing to you again, since you clearly are not going to let this one go anytime soon and have not accepted my previous apology, when it was heartfelt and sincere, even if you don't think so, I know what it's in my heart and you don't.

Instead of complaining that the person YOU WRONGED is not letting it go soon enough, try doing something positive for male rape survivors instead.  Your prior comments were ugly, demeaning and inexcusable.  A one sentence apology doesn't make it all pretty and perfect again.  My reaction is based on YOUR behavior, not the other way around.  You caused this with your arrogant, ignorant and mean-spirited comments.  That is 100% on you.

Wishing you a healthy and much happier 2013 sir. Oh ... and thanks for your service.

Happy New Year to you as well.