Melissa McEwan of Shakesville on "lol your ugly ":
"So there's this woman, Bernann McKinney, who was recently in the news for paying to have five puppies cloned from her dearly departed pet pit bull. Thing is, she is likely the same person as a woman known as Joyce McKinney, who is a fugitive alleged to have kidnapped and raped a man 31 years ago."
"The AP is trying to unravel the whole story (and engaging in their usual disgraceful habit of euphemizing rape: "[I]investigators say he was repeatedly forced to have sex with McKinney before he was able to escape and notify police"), and reveal Joyce McKinney to be a deeply disturbed and dangerous woman who is not only an alleged kidnapper and rapist, but an alleged stalker and repeat criminal who seems to wreak havoc upon other people wherever she goes."
Sex is not rape. Rape is not sex. Rape is a violation of one's sovereignty over their own body and an assault on the emotions and psyche of the person victimized in the process. It is not simply "forced sex."
According to the Associated Press, James Stamey, husband of the woman McKinney is alleged to have stalked and threatened said, "She's ugly as sin now" in reference to McKinney's alleged former good looks.
McEwan goes on to point out:
"what every sophisticated and intelligent news reader wants to know about any woman at the center of any news story is whether she's fuckable."
While I could care less about Ms. McKinney's feelings about being called ugly (the same as a I would for a male rapist) or her physical appearance, I am disgusted at the AP for both making it about her looks and trivializing this rapist's actions by describing it as "he was repeatedly forced to have sex".
When you force someone, that person is not engaged in sex. That person is being raped, regardless of legalistic attempts to make it seem like some women cannot be miserable, disgusting, horrible, worthless, rapist scum.
Ann of Feministing comments further on the issue outlining some of TIME's offensive idiocy with regard to this case:
- Defines an act of sexual assault as a "sex scandal." The headline should read "Cloner dogged by sexual assault." A sex scandal is what John Edwards is experiencing right now, in the wake of his consensual affair. It is distinct from sexual assault, which is what Time is talking about in this article.
- Uses the phrase "had sex with" in lieu of "raped" or "assaulted." (We've discussed this before…)
- Perpetuates the totally false idea that because the victim did not try to escape, that means the act was consensual. (Cara has written about this a lot.)
- Names the victim.
It is not a joke. It is not funny. It is not a "sex scandal."
It is rape – PERIOD. The shaming and re-victimization directed at all rape survivors who speak out is disgusting, inhumane and quite telling about the true nature of the individual participating in such. And I know firsthand just how hard it can be to read it. The mixture of pain, shame, anger, rage and embarrassment at being ridiculed, emasculated, laughed at and told you "must have wanted it" was overpowering when I first told my story. It is still hard to read the hateful remarks a month later.
So, from a male rape survivor of a female rapist, thanks again to Melissa and Ann. You both got it right and I'm grateful that at least two more people have not bought into the sexist social programming that labels all men as walking penises, incapable of offering consent or feeling violation.
Related Links:
- Shakesville – lol your ugly: http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2008/08/lol-your-ugly.html
- Feministing – TIME conflates sex with rape: http://www.feministing.com/archives/010283.html